By popular demand

Here it is.

One of my hobbies is leather carving. I loikes it I do.

Ooh, ta much Boss!

Leather carving eh, I've always wanted to do that so fucking much! What sort of things do you carve?

Leather.

So far (It's a new thing for me) I have successfully made a door nameplate, a coin purse and a fully decorated wallet.
I actually bought a kit from Tandy Leather (UK) not the little one but a middling jobby, threw away the instructions after a cursory glance, hence the first two things I made were a tad disastrous so I didnt mention them.

Hmm, wallet eh, would you be interested in making one for me?

I love the American Indian style with the loop stitches around the outside edge, with maybe my name (Cavey) carved in the centre.

Some beer tokens would be traded for it of course.

What about a tank top?

You'd look good in one of them.

Ray. Yes I could do it, but to be honest I dont think I am good enough yet.

I know exactly the style you want as that is exactly the style I made but without Cavey on it.

Give me a couple of months more practice and pester me again.

Have you tried it on a live cow yet?

That's how I started.

Did you just heffer a go?

No, it was too horny

Ok Bill, forget the cavey bit in't middle, if you can make a basic one compartment wallet for notes then I'll have 2 please, both the same style.

FFS Cavey, I AINT GOOD ENOUGH YET, honest. Give me a month or so of perfecting and I'll do them.

Thought you were just being modest!

Can I have one of your (better) practice ones?

Fuck off poacher!

Poaching bag?

pics or it didn't happen.

Five months on and no signs of a purse yet.
Well Mr Billiam, have you got better yet or has the donor cow forked off?

He's probably fuckin ate it - I know I would've.

He could make a new saddle for the bike.

I had a bad bit of leather so bought another and that was equally bad, I sharpened the tools (I am good at sharpening) and the leather was still wrong, so I gave up.

Actually I cant do it coz of athuritis and shizzle.

Wear Tena pants. That'll sort the shizzle out.

They're also quite good for wanking into whilst on the move... .allegedly.

I tried that, was moving at about 30mph, got kicked off the bus though!