Joke thread, starting today!

[Bill (the boss)]

Had a Bin Laden Latte today,

Fluffy head with two shots.....

[lwt big cheese]

Kate Middleton, just after the weding, asked the Queen for advice on a long and happy marriage.

The reply was, "Wear and seat belt. And don't piss me off".

[Bill (the boss)]

Even though we both speak the same language, it's amazing how there are
some subtle differences between American-English and proper English, for
example:
They say "sidewalk" we say "pavement"
They say "pants" we say "trousers"
They
say "buried at sea" we say "naked and chained to a metal bed frame with
a car battery connected to his bollocks whilst being beaten for answers

[Alan H]

A man was visiting his wife in hospital where she has been in a coma for several years. On this visit he decides to rub her left breast instead of just talking to her. On doing this she lets out a sigh. The man runs out and tells the doctor who says this is a good sign and suggests he should try rubbing her right breast to see if there is any reaction. The man goes in and rubs her right breast and this brings a moan. From this, the doctor suggests that the man should go in and try oral sex, saying he will wait outside as it is a personal act and he doesn't want the man to be embarrassed. The man goes in then comes out about five minutes later, white as a sheet and tells the doctor his wife is dead. The doctor asks what happened to which the man replies: "She choked."

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